As an artist, I have found that through the years, my art has changed. As a lot of artists do, I have always created art to represent what I am going through in my life. When I was younger, it reflected passions, family, and conflicts. But, after my spine injury, I noticed that it grew more dark. The underlying feelings of uncertainty about life were still present, but it also reflected the physical pain that I now endured. In a way, that made the emotions I was feeling about the world more intense.
But, it also took my creativity to a new level. One that I may not have been able to reach, if not for my constant struggles. Along with added frustrations, I found that it some how drove my will to fight harder to express those feelings. To also bring to life everything that I think, and experience along this journey.
I some how feel a sense of urgency to leave my mark on this world. Maybe it takes pain in our lives to truly motivate us. I’m not sure, but I know that I want to push my art to the edge of the cliff! I want to break boundaries and conventions. I want the other artists that express their pain through their art, no matter what medium, to know that I relate to them.
It’s almost as if I have this instinct to survive through my art. I believe that it keeps me going. I know that I will create, no matter what, until I can’t create anymore. In a way, I feel lucky that I can still draw, write, and think. Although, it causes more pain. I guess I compare it to a double-edged sword. When I get recognition, it’s bitter sweet.
I recently slipped on ice, and broke my ankle. I will have surgery this week. It was my stupidity, and I have come to terms with that. But, I somehow feel that even though this will create more problems for me, it might force me to stay in one place, and create more. I mean, what else can I do?
So, in my life time, I have learned that pain changes you. I have learned that in a way, pain makes you stronger. I have learned that pain can fuel your creativity. I have learned that everyone experiences pain in one way or another. I have learned that when bad things happen, it makes me anxious to express myself, for good or bad. I have learned that life is one big story, and that you cannot possibly know what is on the next page. In a way, that is really exciting to me. I don’t know how my story will end, but looking at it so far, I have learned that it is not boring.